2015 Story: Collateral

[dtrelsky]

Watcher released this outstanding slavery story in fall/winter 2015. (It is my favorite story of him, so far.)

File to download:

Collateral.docx

[Hooked6]

Thank you, Automagix12, for posting this version of Watcher's story, "Collateral." Up to now I had previously only managed to find 4 parts of this marvelous story. This version contained two additional parts. It's like my Birthday all over again. (HUGE SMILE!)

If possible, please relay my praise to Watcher for not only this story but for all his wonderful work in this genre. I am such a HUGE fan of his talent. I hope that he someday he might add to "Collateral" as it is such an amazing, well-told story.

Hooked6

[automagix12]

Hooked6: You are right, this is the "maximum" version of the story I am aware of. Shorter versions and/or excerpts may also be floating around out there in the Web. I have agreed upon w/ Watcher that here in the board there will only complete versions get published. I.e. no drafts or abridged versions etc.

As for praises, criticism etc., please note that Watcher actually is an active member of this board. He has already posted a comment in this forum lately. I am sure he will read any comments made here, too, and respond where he sees fit. (So, I won't pass along or relay any messages to him.)

[jeepster]

well i liked this story before but now its longer and more interesting. my only complaint would be veronica was shaved by daisy the day before the assessor showed up. So the extended chapters where she has curls between her legs seem rushed!They are still good but don't fit with the first part of the story! Sorry!

[Watcher]

First off thank you to Automagix12 for posting the story and to Hooked6 thank you very much for your kind words. I can't speak for other authors but I find it highly helpful when people give feedback. When I start a story its usually because a particular idea or scenario has caught my interest and I build the story around it. Unlike master story tellers like Joe Doe who can write wonderful short stories I find I have to have an extended built up that makes the story a bit on the long side. In my mind that sets the scene but to someone reading the story it could make the pace too slow or drawn out etc so feedback is very much appreciated.

To Jeepster you were right to spot the discrepancy at the end. Its a while back (and my memory is terrible at the best of times) but I think I had planned for a longer story starting at the heroine pretending to be collateral, then being inspected then seized by the bank and being treated as a real slave. The only trouble is I could not figure out what ending I wanted for her i.e. was she going to escape or be kept a slave. Another issue is that when I'm wring a particularly long story my interest/inspiration can wane and I essentially run out of steam two thirds of the way through. Realising that I stopped and polished the first part of the story which ended with her being taken by the assessor but I intended to leave it vague on what her fate might be. I can't recall if I sent the whole thing into Lakewood while telling him that the last chapters were simply for his enjoyment and that the official story should end at the heroine being taken away. its possible that I uploaded the story after Lakewood passed away and forgot to snip off the last portions I can't remember.

Hopefully that clarifies any continuity errors and my apologies for any confusion caused.

Watcher

[jeepster]

Watcher I just assumed this was ended when she was walking toward the wagon! Was completely surprised to see it continue! But I hope you dont take my review as criticism cause I am a fan of every story you have written that I have found! So keep doing what you do!

[Hooked6]

Unlike master story tellers like Joe Doe who can write wonderful short stories I find I have to have an extended built up that makes the story a bit on the long side. In my mind that sets the scene but to someone reading the story it could make the pace too slow or drawn out etc so feedback is very much appreciated.

Watcher

Watcher, the length of your stories is one of the things I like best about your stories. The fact that you take the extra time in letting us get into the mind of your protagonist, the pondering of all the potential possibilities facing her in the situation you've created as well as the generous description of the location allowing us to visualize the scene in such detail as you do is brilliant. Don't worry about your stories being too long or the pace too slow. In fact, in all honesty, when I see the name Watcher ascribed to a story I immediately know it is a MUST read!!

I wish there was an archive of your work somewhere. If not, I am very grateful that you allow your work to be posted here.

Count me as a HUGE fan,

Hooked6

[Watcher]

Jeepster I certainly wasn't offended by your comment. You were only pointing out the obvious. Plus for anyone who ever submitted anything to Mr Lakewood your comments were mild indeed compared to some of his … sometime interesting feedback.

Hooked6 I'm glad I am not the only one who likes a long build-up. In some cases I like the build up more than the ending. Again thank you all for the feedback.

Watcher

[Fixitman8267]

That was an interesting story. I saw this coming when she chose Daisy to swap places with. Veronica should have locked Daisy's Emancipation papers in a safe to keep Daisy from doing what she did. Oh well, hindsight is 20/20. I would like to see an alternate reality of this story. How would things have gone if Veronica did not switch places and submit to the assessment? Would she still end up as a slave or just homeless?