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Since my son turned 18, my husband started a tradition where he rented a slave girl for him and his friends to use at his birthday party, which truth be told isn't that much different than their normal get-togethers where they play video games and eat pizza. As my husband was out-of-town this year, he left it up to me to pick up the slave girl at Slave Mart and drop her off when the party was done.

The problem was that I was having some car troubles that morning. I called up Slave Mart and they didn't have any trucks available for delivery, and Uber won't carry slave girls because they stain the seats, and some sort of moral objection too, I think.

Anyway, not wanting to disappoint my son and his little friends I came up with an innovative solution. The boy's jaws hit the floor when I came through the door naked and collared, and knelt down in front of Ralph, the fat kid with the skin problem, and said, "Let me please you, Master."

I should explain that I'm a total MILF, and all the boys have had a crush on me since puberty, so Ralph didn't take long whipping it out. He was rock hard, and didn't take long, so I moved down the line, servicing customer after customer. I was a bit shocked when I came to my son, as I had assumed I'd get him a slave girl later, but his penis was out and rock hard.

"Come on, slave girl. Get to it!" one of the boys shouted.
"Yeah, don't stiff the birthday boy!" another agreed.

I gave my son quite the hummer. Talk about a birthday surprise! By the time I finished the line, Ralph was ready again, so wash-rinse-repeat, as I moved down the line of 20 somethings, blowing each one (including my son) for the second time that day. The climax of the day (pun intended) was when I was fucked on the rug by Jamal, the large black kid who had won the tournament that day, and my son, who as the birthday boy got to enjoy "a second slice of pie."

All and all, it was a great time, and I know I gave them all a birthday they'll never forget. I'm super popular with my son's friends, but all their moms are pissed at me, and none of them will return my calls. None of them will come to my house, and they ignore me at community events. I've become the neighborhood scandal, which is total bullshit as all of them rent slave girls for their son's birthday parties, and most of them are in my slave yoga class, or a lower grade class, since a lot of them aren't good enough. And they're looking down their noses at me? Seriously?

My cousin Freddie works for Slave Mart, and he told me the leader of the blue-noses, Laura Purest, is scheduled for high intensity slave training next week. He suggested I take my son and a few of his friends down to fuck her, while I watch, eating popcorn. There's a part of me that says a film of Debbie going at it like a slave girl might break through all this moralistic, Harper Valley PTA bullshit, but I'm not sure if I won't make the situation worse.

A few of my son's friends have asked my son if they can have the same slave girl he had at their birthday parties. Did I make a mistake? What do I do now?

Christine, The Most Popular and Least Popular Mom in Town

Would be funny to see Christine show up at one of the boys home on a leash naked!

Truly a contender for "Best Mom". I'm sure she can win the popular vote! My favorite letter to Abner so far!

Dear Christine,

“Did I make a mistake?” asked the blue-eyed blonde airhead slave girl because that’s what I see when I picture you in my mind. I bet if you shook your head, I'd hear your brain bouncing around like a BB in a boxcar. Posing as a slave was so harebrained that if you weren't born a blonde, you have now achieved honorary status. Laura Purest and the other wives are the least of your worries right now because it is not a matter of if you will be wearing a collar, but when, and for how long; likely with a circle star brand burned into your ass unless you act quickly.

First, Texas has several laws making impersonating a slave while engaging in the sex acts you described illegal. Kneeling naked before Ralph while wearing a collar, addressing him as Master, giving him a hummer, and displaying his load on your tongue until he ordered you to swallow it is one misdemeanor count. The Texas legislature is cracking down on sluts like you that impersonate slaves with a mandatory minimum sentence of 180 days penal enslavement for each count. Texas judges have the discretion to stack the counts making them consecutive so that means you are looking at one year wearing a collar for each boy you serviced at the party. But that’s not the worst of it.

Incest is illegal in Texas you ignorant slut, so when you had sex with your son, and you were not really a slave, the two of you committed a second-degree felony with a required penalty of 2 to 20 years enslavement for each count. Now, your son has an excellent entrapment defense because he can claim he thought you were a real slave as you sucked down load after load of jism, all while jilling yourself into a feeding frenzy a few times along the way to being lost in your own slave haze. In the alternative, what young man could resist their hot MILF mother after she blew a dozen of his friends? Just saying, he probably has an out.

You on the other hand don’t. Hell, I bet you masturbate in bed morning, noon and night reliving it all. I see the future you eight years from now with a goofy slave stupid smile on your face, a symptom of having a serious case of slave mind, kneeling naked, collared, a strand of jism hanging off your chin, and some pink whip marks on your branded ass as you wait impatiently for the next cock to poke its head through the glory hole you are working.

“What do I do now?” whines the silly slave girl. Well, that depends on your husband. After learning about your escapades does he want to keep you? If the answer is yes, you hire a lawyer pronto, and he petitions the court for a 10-year Spousal Protective Enslavement (SPE) which the court should grant. The SPE keeps your marriage intact but authorizes your husband for your own good to treat you like a common slave at any time. So, he can allow you to work as a free person and become his slave when you are not working. He can keep you as his naked slave 24/7 walking you around the neighborhood on a leash down the sidewalk in front of Laura Purest’s home. He can even lease you out as the neighborhood birthday slave girl, to Sluts ‘R Us, The Whips and Sticks BDSM brothel or for voyages on the Yo Ho Ho where they give a slut like you a complementary “Anchor” badge burned into your tooshie as a keepsake.

If he doesn’t want to keep you, well, you’re screwed, figuratively and literally. Your life as you know it is over once the authorities find out and obtain a body attachment arrest warrant. Damn, girl, the whole neighborhood knows as will the state after publishing this letter, so it is just a matter of time. You will be convicted, and if you are truly as slave hot as you claim, sold at one of those MILF Madness auctions that are televised on the Slave Channel. The sentence will likely be for a decade to make an example of you for other women that might want to play slave girl illegally.

Now Laura Purest is going about this the right way, the legal way. Because wearing a collar during slave immersion training allows your son and his friends to use her as their human fleshlight as they make deposits in all her holes. Likely more than one customer at any given time all while Laura exists in her slave haze orgasming at will like the slut you want to become.

The good news is you have demonstrated a true calling for the collar with the perfect intellectual and problem-solving skills of a common pleasure slut. The only silver lining that I can think of is that you are a natural pleasure slut who heeded the siren’s call of the collar in becoming your son’s party favor. Per chance were you a trained pleasure slut fresh out of high school that your husband bought and married? That is my other theory.

Now if your husband decides to keep you, I would like to extend an invitation to the three of you as guests on the Ask Amber and Abner TV show that I host with my wife. If your husband agrees, I expect an invitation will be extended to Laura Purest to give her perspective on the whole sordid tale. Of course, you’ll be kneeling naked while the free people sit in comfort, perhaps ordering you to service them. You’ve had plenty of practice giving blow jobs—how are you at cunnilingus?

Best,

Abner

Ask Abner is written by Abner Armfield, advice columnist and author of the New York Times bestseller "The Redneck Guide to Home Training Your Slave". Please email your questions to askabner@comcast.net, or write to: Abner’s Mailbox, c/o THE DALLAS MORNING NEWS 1954 Commerce St. Dallas, TX 75201.

Mr. Abner Armfield is a direct descendent of John Armfield, the founder of Franklin & Armfield, the largest slave trading firm in the country prior to the Civil War. He is on the board of the reconstituted Franklin & Armfield that owns the Old Slave Mart chain amongst other interests. He graduated with an MBA from the McCombs School of Business after undergraduate studies at Ole Miss. He met his wife Amber Post while working as a trainer at the Pearson Pussy Ranch right after graduating from McCombs. Ms. Post, a fellow trainer at Pearson’s, wrote the best seller Five Years a Pleasure Slut about her many adventures as a concubine and currently has her own syndicated column. At age 19 she received her concubine certificate after six months of in-depth training at the Venus Academy where she graduated with honors. The couple co-star in the highly rated syndicated TV show Ask Amber and Abner now in its seventh season on the Slave channel. Amber is currently in the fifth year of a FINO enslavement to Abner and the happy couple have three children.

I want to thank Carl Bradford for quickly editing this installment.

Another great story and answer, Joe. When I had read the letter, I wondered about the repercussions of impersonating a slave, not to mention servicing her son. You addressed everything in your answer and I am sure that her slave heat is building as she reads your answer. It would be nice to eventually find out what her husband decides as well as how she adjusts to her new life.

Jim

Perfect answer Abner! You'd think that a woman living in Texas would've known the laws around impersonating a slave! Be waiting to see how she ends up.