Prompt:
“Hey boss, caught these two girls driving erratically, so I had them pull into the parking lot and lean over their vehicle until you arrived. They said they were headed to a party. I smell booze and weed, but I couldn’t find anything in the car. How would you like to handle this, sir?”
The below story is a dialogue response from the sheriff to the deputy explaining how he’d like the situation handled.
Female Reporters’ Roadside Strip Search
By MasterGepetto
“Say, Deputy… isn’t the one of the right that nosy reporter chick? The one that keeps filing sunshine law requests and writing in the papers about our misuse of police resources? Normally I’d let the pretty girls off on a warning, but we can’t let little Ms. Reporter keep writing in the papers that my office doesn’t follow proper search procedures.
Because weed and alcohol are suspected, I think it is imperative that we get one of our female officers to conduct a roadside strip search. We can’t risk the evidence getting lost or destroyed on the way back to the station. I believe Officer Maria Alvarez is on shift tonight so get her over here ASAP. She’s very thorough and by the book, which I’m sure our reporter friend will appreciate, even if it takes a little longer.
Since our favorite little reporter keeps making sunshine law requests in order to “shine a light in the dark crevices of police inner workings,” or however she puts it, maybe it’s high time we show our favorite reporter some of that “sunshine” she’s been requesting by ‘shining a light’ in her own dark crevices. Hahaha!
And As she’s always complaining about how police work is done behind closed doors, I’m sure she’ll be glad we’ve taken her complaints to heart by doing our work out in the open this time!! I remember last year when she wrote that article about our lack of body cams. She will be pleased to know that City Council recently provided us with body cams due to her own due diligence in writing that article! So please make sure you and Officer Alvarez keep your body cam running the whole time— we will immediately make the videos available to local media and all concerned citizens, as our bossy reporter has demanded countless times.
Come to think of it— aren’t the high school mentees, DeShawn and Trevon, doing a ride along with Officer Alvarez tonight? I’m sure our mentees would love to see a roadside strip search. I’m fairly certain that according to the new procedures adopted by City Council, strip searches may ONLY be conducted by members of the opposite sex in training situations when a member of the same sex is NOT available. It’s really too bad no males are currently available.
Nevertheless, Since both of our high school mentees are 18, and since no male is currently available, I think this is a perfect opportunity to train our mentees on how to perform a proper strip search!
Unfortunately, I don’t think officer Alvarez has gloves large enough for them. Even for high schoolers, those boys have large hands. I guess that’s why they are All-State wide receivers on the football team. Although they will have to make do without gloves, from what I’ve heard about Officer Alvarez’s thoroughness, I’m sure there will be plenty of natural lubrication for DeShawn and Trevon to practice their technique even without gloves. These boys are about to find out first hand just how much of a tight ass our uppity reporter has in real life. Don’t let them stop ‘till they get it right! I’d hate for anyone to complain that we didn’t give our high school mentees enough opportunities to learn the proper procedures.
You know, I had doubts about all the community outreach programs the City Council pushed on us, but the inner city high school mentorship program is already showing promise. I bet DeShawn and Trevon sign on to join the force after tonight!! Our reporter is always writing that we need more African American cops on staff! I’m sure our spunky reporter will be pleased to see the inner city high school mentorship program she fought for in action. DeShawn and Trevon will have to thank our reporter friend for pushing City Hall to adopt the program while they conduct the strip search. She always said she’d be delighted to help get the program going! Now she gets to finally help! Haha!
Too bad our little reporter and her friend chose to drive erratically down the busiest street in town! On tonight of all nights! I know there are numerous college bars frequented by some of our most reputable local fraternity boys just across the street from where you pulled them over. I’m sure there will be plenty of energetic patrons interested in her arrest.
Say, Deputy, miss reporter is an adjunct professor at the University’s prestigious School of Journalism, correct? I thought I remember her bragging about being the youngest journalist to teach a class there. Maybe she will see some of her own students! Monday’s class might be a little awkward, but at least her students will have something to write about for their next article!
And if our Lois Lane wannabe gives you too much grief about witnesses filming the strip search, just remind her that she has encouraged witnesses to film any and all police action that they see and post it online. I’m fairly certain she’s responsible for at least several videos from a local arrest trending on social media, so I’m sure she will be happy to see another video of our city’s finest in action go viral.
I know it’s a shot in the dark, but I remember our favorite little reporter saying something about her best friend from journalism school being some big time national correspondent at MSNBC. I thought she mentioned she was trying to bring her friend in to do a National feature on the workings of our police department. I wonder if this is the hotshot correspondent our reporter was talking about? I’m sure this was not the ‘national expose’ either of them had in mind. At least their ‘expose’ will still likely get a lot of attention!
Now that I look more closely at the girl on the left, she does kinda look like that National correspondent. I remember her from when she exposed and brought down all those revenge porn and blackmail image websites. She wrote about the issues she had getting images of herself in lingerie she had sent to an ex removed from the sites.
That article sure caused a lot of work for us, since numerous girls from the local college were posted on those sites, including several well known sorority girls and the entire female soccer team! I had to field dozens of calls explaining that those sites were purely in the FBI’s jurisdiction. If it is indeed the same National correspondent who wrote that article, that’s rather unfortunate for her, as she will not be allowed to keep on her underwear during the upcoming strip search. I doubt those images and videos, once made public, will even be removed from the internet.
Unfortunately, I can’t really tell if it is indeed her with her face buried on the hood of their Range Rover. I would not have pegged Ms. Hot Shot National Correspondent to be shy, but she probably doesn’t want to be identified with her pale ass and red thong pointed towards some of the busiest bars in town! I don’t think that ass has even seen a minute of sun until today. Too bad it’s so dark outside; I’m sure she’d appreciate a little more tanning.
What a coincidence she’d be the same national reporter our college town reporter was trying to bring in. Too bad she won’t be able to hide her face during the strip search. We will need to be able to verify proper identity at all times during the search.
So, Deputy, Make sure to hold up both their ID’s to the body cam and have them clearly state their names and dates of birth into the camera. Since drugs and are at issue, we will need to ask them if they are on any drugs or medications, including birth control, in case we need to take a blood draw. Also, since DeShawn and Trevon will likely be conducting the strip searches without gloves, we will need to ask them for their full sexual history and any possible STDs. We will even need to know if they use sex toys, what sex toys they use, and if any of their sex toys have been shared with another person at any time. As our favorite reporter would want everything done by the book, it’s imperative we keep the body cams running even during the intimate questions.
I know it’s pushing it, but try to make sure Officer Alvarez, DeShawn, and Jamal are done with the strip searches before the Big Game lets out in half an hour. Those bars are about to fill up and that road will be bumper-to-bumper with excited sports fans. I’m sure our ambitious reporter and her friend would not want half the town driving by while they are naked by the side of the road getting stripped searched. We know she loves having her name in the papers, but I doubt she’d want her naked ass to be the next front page story! Haha!
Finally, as you are aware, when we bring them back to the station, they will need to be kept in the mixed drunk tank until their arraignment on Monday morning. Unfortunately, due to calls from this very reporter to improve living conditions in the women’s cell block, we are currently renovating the women’s drunk tank this weekend. It should be completed by Monday, but that will be no help for our reporter and her friend. It’s rather ironic they picked this weekend of all weekends to drive drunk and erratically through town.
Hopefully our little reporter and the hot shot correspondent aren’t forced to share the drunk tank with tooooo many degenerates…although I know a lot of college students will be celebrating the football team’s big win tonight!! I’m not looking forward to having to break up the inevitable bar fight between a bunch of drunk frat bros. Hopefully none of the drunk college students will recognize our heroine as the reporter who wrote that article criticizing Greek life and what she called “fraternity rape culture.”
Unfortunately, those short skirts won’t offer them too much privacy or protection, especially if those skimpy thongs are confiscated for evidence during the strip search if any drugs are found on their bodies. And the drunk tank toilet has no walls or barriers. Hopefully they didn’t pregMe their party too much, or they will be using the open toilet rather frequently. I doubt they imagined they would be spending a weekend commando in the drunk tank when they got ready this evening. I doubt either of them would have worn such revealing skirts had they known. What a nightmare for them!
Whoever is on night shift tonight and tomorrow will have to keep close watch on them to make sure the other drunks don’t get too cozy with them. I know it will be tough since the night officer will also have to do hourly rounds of the jail block. It’s doubtful that the drunk frat bros will behave themselves while the night officer is doing rounds, so I fear our reporter and her friend are in for a long weekend. Tell him to try to keep his rounds under thirty minutes.
Since drugs aren’t allowed in the jail, our heroines will unfortunately be without their birth control pills that young career women love to take. I hope that won’t be too big of an issue for them. I’ll be sure to visit first thing Monday morning to check on them.”
