A few suggested new year's resolutions from JD. Originally posted to Yahoo Strip Searched group (SS1) on Dec. 26, 2004.
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
(IF YOU’RE A FEMALE CHARACTER IN A JOE DOE STORY)
by Joe Doe
1) Show a little originality. Don’t be just another Johnson.
2) Your Mom was right: always wear clean underwear because you never know....
3) Join a Health Club -– preferably one with a large gang shower and ceiling-mounted security cameras.
4) Give up smoking. You’ll need the cigarettes later to bribe the guards.
5) If you lose the key to the locker containing your street clothes and identification while you are trying out your Halloween school girl look, don’t kill time by flirting with Headmaster Leamus in the food court.
6) Memorize at least 10 or 12 juicy “You know you’re a redneck...” jokes before your car trip through the rural south, so you have something entertaining to say during traffic stops.
7) Try to be interesting, so a certain lazy writer (whom we won’t name because we don’t want to embarrass JOE) doesn’t just stop short and leave everybody hanging LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES!
8) Don’t let silly laws requiring a chador or burqa prevent you from wearing your mini-skirt to that Arab slave market.
9) More skinny-dipping!
10) Get a complete physical every month...at a teaching hospital.
12/26/04
